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I hated my family and hated the people I was around. I’m still excruciatingly lonely at this point in my life.
WILL WE EVER GET A NEW MF DOOM TORRENT
I memorized every lyric on that album before I proceeded to torrent the entirety of his work. He wasn’t ashamed of his nerdiness but embraced it.
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He didn’t need you to care because he knew you would. DOOM spit about what he liked and demanded you accept him. His lyrics were complex, layering rhymes on top of rhymes, but all in the service of the album.īut more important than that, he was a villain. Surrounded by samples of cartoons that I was embarrassed to admit I liked, he was confident. Over Danger Mouse’s precise beats, DOOM was spitting with a confidence, swagger and silliness I never knew was possible. Dangerdoom was unlike anything I had ever heard. And I listened to it so many times my family must’ve hated me even more than they already. And then I listened to it again and again. Thinking I was getting a gag gift for myself, I talked my dad into getting it for me.Įxcept I listened to it. I distinctly remember finding songs called Vats Of Urine and Space Ho’s hilarious. The cover art was cool and pop arty, a mouse wearing some kind of metal mask. I had grown up in a household that made the stupid joke that “Rap is just one letter away from “crap” for a reason.”*īut one day I was in a record store with my father and I stumbled across an album that just stood out to me. But I wasn’t listening to rap music regularly. I was a supposedly politically active (I was not) white kid so I did own Flobot’s Fight With Tools and I did have a semi-joking Pandora station dedicated to Jedi Mind Tricks. I hadn’t really been listening to rap music yet. It was around this time (as I was about 16) that DOOM came into my life. Self-hate when framed right is just a shield. It’s toxic and awful but it’s the trap that so many people like me fell into. I would gatekeep because at least that way I had something to protect. I would know the histories of the characters you don’t care about. I responded by supposedly accepting that I was unlovable (like some kind of fucking incel) and doubling down (exactly like a fucking incel). You are culture’s failure, something to be pointed at with jeers. What you love is a joke so that means you must be too. Even a nerd that seemed to be serious was a joke in and of themselves. Our representation in culture was just a punchline. It was the realization that everybody wasn’t into this - I grew up in a nerdy household and had been insulated to some degree. But, that self-hate over nerd shit came a little later. My depression predates this with the oldest moment of suicidal ideation I can remember having was wanting to kill myself when I was eight on a ride home from a soccer tournament. I write all this to say I spent most of middle school and high school years hating myself for being a nerd. But culture continues its steady pace forward.
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It’s the fluidity of time, things change and people you needed die. You got a one in three chance of bringing up The Runaways and people knowing what the fuck you are talking about.
WILL WE EVER GET A NEW MF DOOM MOVIE
People now gossip about the possibly-still-happening Flash movie and share their theories from the latest Helstrom episode. It’s amazing that the same things I was bullied over when I was a child are now mandatory cultural consumption. By Jacob Cordas - It’s hard to explain hating yourself over being a nerd in today’s culture.